Emma's first post on her paper :)

Ok in my paper i need to explain to the reader what peanut butter specifically means. I also listed all of the activities that camp skyline has to offer, Professor Keleher suggested that I eliminate some from the list. I don't need to list every single one in order to get the point across that there are various activites. Also, i was sort of vague when i said, " I have seen and experienced many different things at camp." I probably should elaborate and tell the reader some of these things. Also I need to avoid repetitive diction/ structure. An example of this repetitve diction/ structure is: "The impact that camp makes on a person is remarkable. The impact that camp has had on me is one tht is hard for me to express in words." I think that I should find some other words that basically mean the same thing. I need to avoid 2nd person in the sentence in my last paragraph that says "One thing is for sure, once you do experience it, it will become a memory that is etched in you mind, as it is in mine. That is the last sentence in my entire paper. I need to reword it a little big because it sort of drags. Also the sentence ends the paper very abruptly and i should work on a better conclusion backing up my thesis. Another thing I should work on is comma splices. In the sentence "Camp Skyline is an all girls camp, consequently, we run into situations like this all of th time." Instead i should say, "Camp Skyline is an all girls camp. We run into situations like this all of the time." I also do not need to put quotations around certain words that are not spoken by a specific person. And finally i need to work on my commas.

Professor Keleher, I was a little confused with what i should post on here. If this is unacceptable please let me know through a comment or email what i should do. Please don't give me a zero for this blog. I will definatly fix it if i did this wrong.