Thoughts

I have had PLENTY of time to think on my paper over the past week. It was a relief to turn it in. I've been thinking about how I could switch perspective for a third paper and I'm not sure what to do. I could make the whole story from Susan's perspective looking in on a huge family. I don't know if it would still be a profile paper though. WE'll just have to see what kind of grade I get on the second draft...

Reflection post.

My paper changed in such a way that will make it more enjoyable. I tried to cut out a lot of the repetitiveness and extra detail that bogged down my writing. I think it is a much better paper and i'm anxious to see what i will recieve on it or what comments i might get back. This experience has helped pay attention to how I tend to repeat myself at tiems and add unnecessary details. I think overall, it has helped me a lot.

reflection

I changed alot in my profile, but I mostly shortened sentences and paragraphs. I believe it is a far more impressive paper than it was before my revisions. I will try to keep my next composition compacted.

Reflection

During the revision I tried to shorten my paragraphs so that I could get to the race quicker and changed all of my verbs to present tense. Also, during the revision I had a parallelism problem that I know how to fix now. I feel that my paper is better, hopefully. I added more names to it and explained things more thoroughly. All in all, I think it is a better profile of the Neshoba County Fair than the first draft was. In the future I'll be able to spot parallelism problems better and I'll be able to keep in the same tense throughout the whole paper easier. I never really was good at staying in the same tense until now, thanks to this paper. Hopefully my future papers will be easier to right and come out better than this one. =)

hyperboles

A hyperbole is a type of language that over exaggerates a comparison of two things. "I almost died laughing" is a very commonly used hyperbole. Many people confuse hyperboles with similes and metaphors because it often compares to things, but hyperboles are not realistic comparisans.
I over used hyperboles in my first draft like when I wrote that the kids got licked to death. I changed the sentence to something like, the kids wanted to pet her and get licked by her long pink tongue.

docucam post

I learned that nobody is going to laugh at you if you try your best. I also learned that peer review is not always a bad thing. I like the fact that the session only had six people because i get nervous in big crowds.

regrouping

I need to remember to

• not put quataions around thoughts
• make sure that I always capitalize the word I
• keep it simple by compressing sentences
• compress paragraphs
• proof read better

I need to remember not to

• use run on sentences
• use too many hyperboles
• go comma crazy
• over think
• rush

KNEE-JERK REACTION

I was surprised with the result of my profile. I thought it would butchered because it was a simple profile, but I am glad to see that simple can be just as good as complex.

ANNA'S REFLECTION

I feel much more confident in this second draft than I felt in my first draft. I liked both of my drafts, but I feel that this second one has a better flow and direction. It is easier to read and not stagger through my sentences, as opposed to what happened in my first draft. As well, I got rid of some poetic-like senteces that seemed out of place. Other changes I made were that I added more relevant and what to me are interesting experiences and thoughts and explained better what seemed confusing. I think that leaving my paper unseen for a while helped me view my mistakes more easily, since I wasn't attatched emotionally anymore to anything that I had written.

Reflection

My draft that I turned in this morning I thought improved by stating many of my thoughts more clearly. I was able to do this by elmininating unnessary words. I feel that the paper flows much better with some simple changes that were made. This will effect my future papers and my writing in general by anaylzing words that are in my sentences. Before, I had never really even been told to address the problem of wordiness. Even if I do use words that do not add to meaningful thoughts, I will be able to look for that when revising my work the first time.

Wordiness Post

Wordiness is caused when you pad your writing with empty phrases or when struggling to clarify ideas.
You can eliminate wordiness in your writing if you mark sections of your writing that you struggled to produce. But after you're done with your draft, pass through your paper once, focusing only on eliminating unnecessary language. Pay particular attention to sections you struggled to get out.
Learn what wordiness patterns are typical of your writing. Most people tend to fall into two or three patterns of wordiness when they write. Learn what your patterns are, and edit with those patterns in mind.

ex. (wordy) It is expensive to upgrade computer systems.
(consice) Upgrading computer systems is expensive.

(wordy) Chlorofluorocarbons have been banned from aerosols. This has lessened the ozone layer's depletion.
(concise) Chlorofluorocarbons have been banned from aerosols, lessening the ozone layer's depletion.

Proflie Examples
(wordy) Greg also jokes about a man named Bill that comes everyday that will sit for a while reading the paper.
(concise) Greg also jokes about a man named Bill that comes everyday and reads the paper.

(wordy) The Shell sees many different people that lead very different lives, but for some reason it is a place where they all...
(concise) The Shell sees many different people that lead very different lives but....

Reflect

I just realized I didn't change the date on my paper before I turned it in. It's sort of driving me crazy.
After changing the things that where written in blue on my first draft, I actually removed some of the things that I fixed. I think this draft is a real upgrade from my other draft. I feel pretty good about it, but I know it could be better. I was very tired when I turned it in, and I knew if I worked on it, I would only make it worse. I know it is better than my first, so I'm sure I'll be getting a better grade.
I fixed some of the descriptions to move at a quicker pace by removing excess detail. In some places, I added more details where there was none. I also put in some information about the place that I had left out in the first draft.
I think my next paper will be a major improvement because this was the first I've written since high school and it was kind of like a warm up exercise.

Docucam Post

Ok so i just looked over the previous posts and i realized that i did not post a docucam post. For some strang reason i thought that i had posted it. I realize that it is a day late and i apologize for that. But i am still going to post it just in case you decide to take it Professor Keleher. If you decide that you will not accept this post I completely understand or if you decide to deduct a few points for it just being late I understand. Again I apologize but for some strand reason I was under the impression that I had posted it already.

Docucam Post: During the docucam session I learned a great deal. I learned that I should explain things more clearly to the reader becaue sometimes the reader may not understand what I am talking about. I also learned how to fix comma splices. I remember learning about comma splices in high school, but I guess during the summer my brain "dried" up and forgot a lot of things that I had previously learned. I also got to see some examples of how to write a "well written" sentence. I was able to see some examples of this through other students' work. It defiantely gave me some ideas of how to form some of my sentences. I feel like through the docucam session, I got some great tips on writing.

Reflection

Ok, so i emailed my essay yesterday and my paper didn't change too drastically. My paper ended up being an entire page longer this draft than my previous one. I felt like my paper as a whole was a lot better. It explained things more clearly like the peanut butter part. I think that i learned alot more about writing through this paper than any previous papers I have written in the past. I learned how to grab the readers attention better. This paper definately improved my writing somewhat.

Docucam Post

I loved the docucam session! i loved being able to read everyones paper and making my on comments and thoughts about each indivdual one. i also loved the feedback i received from my classmates and i know it will help me write a better a paper for sure! It's always interesting to see or your friends react to things you write and i found it very interesting that they liked my paper but thats a good thing!

Regrouping post

I need to remember to:
1. Work on thinking up a new story to put in my paper, to decrease the repetitiveness.
2. take out a lot of my hyperboles
3. Make it flow better
4. Add a little more emotion to it
5. Make it more personable

I need to remember NOT to do:
1. Keep it lengthy and wordy
2. exaggerate to much or add too much description
3. REPEAT MYSELF!

My "Knee-Jerk Reaction"

Personally i think that all the comments that were left on my paper were left there for a reason. I definitly agree with most of them. Reading through my paper again, i did notice a lot of repetition and i'll be sure to go through and fiz that so my paper flows a little better. I was actually suprised not to get that many commets on my description becasue i was afraid that i had to much, but i guess it turned out just right. I'm very happy with the results of my paper and i'm ready to make it even better!

Anna's handbook post

Comma Splices

A comma splice occurs when two independent clauses are joined by a comma without using a conjunction. In the handbook, there are no specific examples of comma splices, however, I can provide several directly from my essay.

ex 1:

We sat by one of the trees, the light slithered through the leaves and branches. (error)
We sat by one of the trees. The light slithered through the leaves and branches. (correction)

• Since there was no conjunction between the two independent clauses, a period was the most appropriate punctuation to be used.

ex 2:

Inevitably, we all found ourselves amused by a high pitched bird-like sound, yet this was not a bird, it was a flute. (error)

Inevitably, we all found ourselves amused by a high pitched bird-like sound, yet this was not a bird, but a flute. (correction)

• The third comma in the error sentence is an example of a comma splice, since there is no particular conjunction to connect one idea with the other. Therefore, in the second sentence this error was corrected by applying a conjunction.

ex 3:

The buildings around each side of the park were now unseen, the intensity of the colors overpowered them. (error)

The buildings around each side of the park were now unseen. The intensity of the colors overpowered them. (correction)

ex 4:

She said that the bottle could be used as a maraca, as she moved it gently, it made a sound similar to that instrument.(error)

She said that the bottle could be used as a maraca. As she moved it gently, it made a sound similar to that instrument. (correction)

Docucam Summary

The docucam summary was very helpful. I learned not to hold out on important information such as names of people and places. I also learned that its okay to have detail and description but to not have too much of it. The docucam thought me a lot and I will try to remember everything in future essays.

Regrouping

I need to remember to:

• place paragraphs where they need to be
• stay in the same tense
• place quotations where they belong
• italize all thoughts

I need to remember not to:

• repeat similar words
• be so wordy

Wow what a surprise!

Wow I was really surprised! I didn't expect the reaction I received. I believe everything you said about my paper was correct. I'm content with my grade, but my plan is to raise it up.

Anna's Docucam post

I consider that my docucam experience was very helpful. Through it, I learned what were the mayor errors in my essay, as well as in the other student's essay, meaning now I can avoid them in my future assignments. As well, I could see the students' response to my essay as a whole, and realized it was a worthwhile reading for them. Also, I liked reading through the other essays, looking for strong entences and weak sentences, to help the other students into getting an idea of what they should improve and what they should leave as it is.

Anna's regrouping

I need to remember to:

• check for comma splices and avoid them.
• give names to the places and things I am describing
• use an active voice
• make sure all parragraphs connect in a coherent manner
• check my word tense

I need to remember not to:

• give unnecessary information
• have run-on sentences
• use hyperboles
• use "greeting card" descriptions

Spencer - 1st Profile Reflection

After handing in the second draft of my profile essay I felt I had actually learned quite a lot about my writing. This was the first time I ever honestly put effort into revising a first draft, and I believe it paid off. I feel that the paper is better, and reads much more cleanly than before, but I still feel that the couple of problem areas aren't perfect. If it can be said that the first draft erred too much on the side of creative overstatement, I worry that this draft might fall to flat.

Spencer - 1st Profile Docucam

My docucam session was rather brief, as I was the last essay disscussed on the first day. The only thing that I truely learned was that I had achieved the humor I had aimed for in my "BBQ Giants" reference. But, unfortuneately, it didn't quite read correctly, and I'm not sure if it was really an appropriate direction to take the essay.

Handbook post

Parallelism means to make sure that you use the same pattern of words to show that two or more ideas have the same level of importance.
Example:

• Wrong:The quarter horse skipped, pranced, and was sashaying onto the track.
• Correct: The quarter horse skipped, pranced, and sashayed onto the track.

Example from my paper

• Wrong:'...says Uncle Donny who is wearing overalls and a wife beater and is also,easily, 6 inches taller and a hundred pounds heavier than my dad'
• Correct?:'...says Uncle Donny who is wearing a pair of overalls and a wife beater and is also a few inches taller and a hundred pounds heavier than my dad.'

Capitalization is basically what it sounds like. You're supposed to correctly capitalize the first letter of the first word in every sentence and also proper names and proper adjectives.
Examples:

• Pacific Ocean
• an ocean
• Africa, African sculpture
• a beautiful sculpture
• Elm Street
• a street

Example from my paper:

• Wrong: 'In this diminutive County of Mississippi...'
• Correct: ' In this diminutive county of Mississippi...'
• Wrong: 'A must is going to see the Beauty Pageant on the second night of the fair.'
• Correct: ' A must is going to see the beauty pageant on the second night of the fair.'
  

Docucam post

I learned not to use hyperboles, which are basically over exaggerating things in the essays. I learned to use active language, make it actually doing something instead of using a passive voice. I also learned to use correct verbs.For example in my papaper I said '...that's about all that concerts have.' Concerts can't have anything so I need to find a different verb to use.

Regrouping

I need to remember to:

• Get to the race faster in my paper

• Develop some of my paragraphs better

I need to remember not to:

• Capitalize in the wrong places
• Use a passive voice
• Chance from present to past tense

Knee-jerk Reaction

I'm a little surprised that I didn't get a higher grade, but not that much higher but I understand why I got what I got. I'm not in complete shock. I have a lot to do now so I'm going to get started. =)

Spencer - 1st Profile Regrouping

I have decided that I can focus on a couple of the specific areas in my essay and improve the paper for the next draft.

I need to remember to

• Make sure that all areas read well and make sense as a coherent thought
• Realize that if it feels like I'm stretching something, I probably am.

I need to remember not to

• Use comma's in sentences with one 'subject' (not compound)
• Try to force anything

Spencer - 1st Profile kneejerk

My initial reaction to the graded first draft of my profile essay was really quite mixed. I was happy with the grade, and I had expected to have a significant number of grammatical errors, but I was suprised at the few focused areas of comment. There were three specific sections of the essay that I felt I had really stretched to come up with what I thought was some good work, and these were the three areas that had attracted the most blue ink. But, like I said, I had definately "stretched", and I had felt that while I was writing.

Handbook Entry #2

Conciseness
Making your point in the fewest possible words. Eliminate repeat words.
Example from the book:
Original: Her constant and continual use of vulgar expressions with obscene meanings indicated to her pre-elementary supervisory group that she was rather deficient in terms of her ability to interact manner with peers in her potential interaction group.
Revised: Her constant use of four-letter words told the day-care workers she might have trouble getting along with other four-year olds.
Example from my paper:
Original: Mathew is the oldest O'Brian and he was also the first to marry.
Revised: Mathew is the oldest and the first to marry.

Trevor Dow

1)My paper was not what I expected. I thought I did alot better. When I looked over the corrections I noticed that I had made a lot of mistakes.

2) I need to remember to
1 check my spelling
2 check my word tense
3 read my paper out loud
4 keep it short and sweet

I need to remember not to
1 use comma splices
2 use semi colons when they are not needed
3 use very descriptive language

3) I learned how to get my self over my comma splice problem. I also learned to comprese my paper into what I need and not to put alot of extras.

Darrin Rountree

1. I turned in my paper knowing it was a strong one. I was expecting to see many of the comments which i did. I was hoping for the grade which i received.

2. I need to remember to:

• read my paper out loud so i can catch my simple mistakes
• look over my paragraphing
• double check my spelling and punctuation

I need to remember not to:

• rush my endings.
• use c/s in my duologue
• use elaborate discription

3. I learned that I can describe things without over elaborating things. I really enjoyed looking to see what writing levels some of my class mates were at. I learned that I have to be careful with comoma slices because it could drasticaly lower my grade

1. I knew there would be a good bit or mistakes. I had no time to get someone to proof it. The comments were good I believe they will make my paper much better. I am feeling that my paper will be much better now.

2. I need to remember to:

• Paragraph things correctly
• start off strong
• be careful with my word choices

I need to remeber not to:

• Use comma splice
• Use repetition
• Use comma splices in dialogue. Dialogue flows faster.

3. Dialogue flows faster.

5. My paper should now have no more comma splices. I feel that it is much better then when I first handed it in. I fixed many of the mistakes and edited some other things. In later writings I will know to look out for comma splices and repetitions.

Knee-Jerk Reaction

I realize that i have alot to work on in my paper. I look forward to the end product and to be able to see how much my paper has changed and how much better it actually is. I knew when i turned this paper in that I it would have some errors, every paper does. I was proud of the grade i got, especially since it was my first draft that was actually submitted. I really hope that i am able to fix my paper the way professor keleher wants it to be, and hopefully receive an A the next time around. Also Professor Keleher had some really good points. He said that i should explain "peanut butter". While i was writing my paper i guess i felt that the reader didnt need to know exactly what it was. But once i do explain what it is, the paragraph makes much more sense.

Comma splices and Parallelism...OH MY! ;)

As pointed out in my paper, I had some issues with comma splices and parallelism.

A comma splice occurs when two independent clauses are joined by a comma with no conjunction.
EX: It is nearly half past five, we cannot reach town before dark.
A way to correct the problem could be to change the comma to a semicolon, or write the two clauses as two seperate sentences.

Parallelism occurs when there is a similarity of structure in a pair or series of related words, phrases, or clauses.
EX: She tried to make her pastry fluffy, sweet, and delicate.

Docucam

From the session, I learned that strong introductions are very effective, but hard to come by. Interresting dialouge really adds life to a paper. Details that really tie into your point are very effective. Wordiness makes the paper less interesting and hard to read/get through. Paying close attention to not repeating the same idea is very important. It is important to stick to your topic and completely focus on it, not any other ideas you can lead off on. Cliches in papers are never good.

Regrouping

I need to remember to:
-stay in the same tense
-switch between pronouns and names

I need to remember not to:
-Sound cliched
-Be wordie
-Use prepositional phrases that do not move the paper along

Kylie's Knee-Jerk Reaction

As I first look over the graded draft, I see that I am still having problems with verb tense and wordiness. I was glad to see that I did not have any "major" sentence structure errors. I did not know that it was so important to switch between names and personal pronouns, but that's easy to fix. Also, no entire sections where crossed out and that is good. Overall I think my grade was fitting for my first draft.

Anna's knee-jerk reaction

As I look over the insights Mr. Keleher wrote on my paper, I don't feel at all impressed nor surprised. This was my first college essay writing and I wasn't sure if it was what I was expected to make. Anyhow, I was quite confident that it was done correctly. I feel quite happy with the outcome since I don't have to make any mayor changes, which was my worse fear. Sometimes I sympathize with my writing and feel reluctant when I have to let go. As well, I feel that the comments are very appropriate and I'm looking forward to consider them and make the necessary improvements.

Amanda's Paper

Well I wish this paper outcome had a been smoother. I am disappointed with the the ways things have started. As for the paper, I shortened my sentences. I also took out many unecessary punctuations that were found in the paper. I am looking forward to my writing style to improve. I need to start doing more proofreading with papers. My sentence structure is better with the final draft, I just wish I had double checked many key factors that I needed for the paper. Everything should get better. The group classes will be a big help.

Handbook: Comma Splice

Rule Summary:
A comma splice is caused by two independent clauses being connected with a comma without a coordinating conjunction (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so).
EX: Gestures are a means of communication for everyone, they are essential for the hearing-impaired.

Sometimes, the clauses are connected with a word that isn't a conjunction.
EX: Gestures are a means of communication for everyone, however, they are essential for the hearing-impaired.

to fix these, you can join the sentences with a coordinating conjunction, join them with a semi-colon, make the clauses separate sentences, or restructure the sentence.

Examples from my paper:
When we get off the bus and walk over, I notice that the building isn’t made of brick or marble, the walls are just painted to look that way.
------ I substituted the comma for a semi-colon.
When we get off the bus and walk over, I notice that the building isn’t made of brick or marble; the walls are just painted to look that way.

“They’re not,” he says and points over my shoulder, “they’re pointing at The Beatles.”
------ I made the two clauses separate sentences.
“They’re not,” he says and points over my shoulder. “They’re pointing at The Beatles.”

Docucam

I learned how much descriptive was expected. During past classes, it was confusing, but now that I've seen how much more is needed in the paper I have already written, I feel a lot better about describing a lot more in my essay.

Mr. Keleher also mentioned that I did a good job describing the city my profiled place is in. I put it in because the area is a desert, and I wanted to set the scene. I think you might see the place differently if you think of it in a city in Georgia than where it is.

Regrouping

In my next draft, I need to pay attention to where I'm sticking my commas. I need to make sure I keep a consistent pace when I'm being descriptive, but I can be more descriptive in some areas while keeping the pace I have set. Like many of us, I need to make sure I don't fall into past tense.

knee jerk

when I first saw my paper, I was really nervous about all the handwritten notes all over it. After reading most of them, it wasn't so intimidating. I was shocked to see that I had two comma splices and one miss-use of a comma. I was really good with commas in high school. I suppose I just forgot in the past two years. I really appreciate the notes, because now I know how much my paper sucks and how I can make it so much better than it currently is. Er...as of TUESDAY because I've been working on it VERY HARD.

Emma's first post on her paper :)

Ok in my paper i need to explain to the reader what peanut butter specifically means. I also listed all of the activities that camp skyline has to offer, Professor Keleher suggested that I eliminate some from the list. I don't need to list every single one in order to get the point across that there are various activites. Also, i was sort of vague when i said, " I have seen and experienced many different things at camp." I probably should elaborate and tell the reader some of these things. Also I need to avoid repetitive diction/ structure. An example of this repetitve diction/ structure is: "The impact that camp makes on a person is remarkable. The impact that camp has had on me is one tht is hard for me to express in words." I think that I should find some other words that basically mean the same thing. I need to avoid 2nd person in the sentence in my last paragraph that says "One thing is for sure, once you do experience it, it will become a memory that is etched in you mind, as it is in mine. That is the last sentence in my entire paper. I need to reword it a little big because it sort of drags. Also the sentence ends the paper very abruptly and i should work on a better conclusion backing up my thesis. Another thing I should work on is comma splices. In the sentence "Camp Skyline is an all girls camp, consequently, we run into situations like this all of th time." Instead i should say, "Camp Skyline is an all girls camp. We run into situations like this all of the time." I also do not need to put quotations around certain words that are not spoken by a specific person. And finally i need to work on my commas.

Professor Keleher, I was a little confused with what i should post on here. If this is unacceptable please let me know through a comment or email what i should do. Please don't give me a zero for this blog. I will definatly fix it if i did this wrong.

Reflection

My paper didn't change drastically. I kept the first part concerning the visitor's perspective and experience of the Sundial, only deleting and adding ideas. I broadened my father's perspective and experiences in a way to create a clear contrast between the two points of view. I did include a tragic incident that happened at the Sundial; I just hope it's in its accurate place. I do feel better about my paper now since tension has been created. I improved my paragraphs' organizations and I think that has made the paper more instructive. I hope I can make the A this time. This experience mainly taught me to understand the topic thorougly through discussions with the proffessor and classmates and through readings. As the year proceeds and after my first regrettable disaster, I look forward to enhancing my writing skills more and more.

Handbook

THESIS
The first step in developing an essay is to formulate a strong, clear thesis. A thesis is the statement in which the writer takes a position on an issue. A thesis has the following traits: is debatable, can be supported with evidence, is a clearly stated fact, and is not based on personal opinion. I have to try to shape my thesis, so it can become an expression of my own point of view.

WORDINESS
Editing for wordiness:

• Look for unnecessary or redundant words. > Her constant and continual use of vulgar expressions with obscene meanings indicated to her pre-elementary supervisory group that she was rather deficient in terms of her ability to interact in an efficient manner with peers in her potential interaction group. > Her constant use of four-letter words told the day-care workers she n ight have trouble getting along with other four-year olds.
• Take out empty words - words like aspect or factor, definitely or very
• Replace wordy phrases with a single word. Instead of because of the fact that, try because.
• Reconsider any sentences that begin with it is or there is/are.
• Simplify sentence structure by using strong verbs and using the active voice. > In Gower's research, it was found that pythons often dwell in trees. > Gower found that pythons often dwell in trees.

Examples from my essay:

• The shimmering lights are such a staggering view at night.
• The shimmering lights are staggering.
• Eye-catching scenery, a scenic elevator
• Eye-catching scenery, a glass elevator

Docucam

The docucam session was somehow beneficial. I learned that my major problem was that I was missing a main component in my essay which was tension. I needed to create it by writing from a certain perspective or perspectives. I might want to add a few more examples to enhance my writing style too. I will surely try to write on the idea Mr. Keleher provided me with. In fact, I had this idea on my mind earlier on, just didn't proceed with it! Too bad!

Regrouping

On my final draft, I need to remember to:

- focus on my strongest paragraph and broaden its ideas

- fix my paragraph transition issues in a way that the paragraphs flow well

- create something novel that will build up tension throughout the article

- avoid using too many repetitive sounds/words

On the other hand, I need to remember not to:

- use ornamental language that makes the essay sound dramatic

- use the expression "one" when referring to someone

- list the obvious virtues of the place and sound so ad-like. This is not an advertisement

Knee-Jerk Reaction

As I look over my paper, I can't believe all the silly mistakes I made. However, Dr. Keleher goes too far with his corrections and I've told him that before. The results were not at all in the range of what I had expected, and it was all a shock! I got really depressed that day, but close friends encouraged me on improvement. So, I hope to achieve better outcomes on my second chance!!

Handbook Entry

Comma Splices: A comma splice results from placing only a comma between clauses.The simplest way to revise comma splices is to separate them into two sentences.
Example from the book:
(Original) My mother spends long hours every spring tilling the soil and moving manure, this part of gardening is nauseating.
(Revised) My mother spends long hours every spring tilling the soil and moving manure. This part of gardening is nauseating.
Example from my paper:
(Original) Matt and Susan pull up and park, the whole family goes outside to greet them.
(Revised) Matt and Susan pull up and park. The whole family goes outside to greet them.

Flow/Paragraph Breaks:

Docucam Session

This post is going to be VERY similar to my Knee-Jerk post. In the docucam session I learned that writing papers in college is much different than high school. The run of the mill 5 paragraph essay is not going to fly, and I LOVE it! Comma splices is something I'm really going to have to work on. Knowing when to separate paragraphs is another thing I need to practice. I haven't run into any other major problems...yet!

To Do or Not To Do? That is The Question!

I need to remember to:
- Watch for comma splices!
- Let my paragraphs flow more.
- Read things out loud before turning them in.

I need to remember NOT to:
- Group my paragraphs together.
- Use the same descriptive word too often.

Knee-Jerk Reactions

I read every one's paper in my small group and I was scared that mine was the worst. I have a lot to work on with grouping my paragraphs and re-phrasing some of my sentences. Overall the session wasn't as brutal as I expected. I'm having trouble reading some of Keleher's handwriting but so far so good.
-I'm noticing that I use a lot of repeat words (good, I, etc...)
-I am having some fudge ups switching from past to present tense.
-Some of my sentences are scrambled and leave the reader confused!
That's all I can tell for now. Time to spruce it up a bit!

Comma Splices & Wordiness by Nat

Comma Splices-

ex. It is almost tweleve o'clock, we can not make it to class on time.

Comma splices are when two independent thoughts come together with commas without a connection between the two words, phrases, or thoughts. There are ways to fix it, but simply removing the comma is not a way to completely fix the problem. You can change the comma to a semicolon.

ex. It is almost tweleve o'clock; we can not make it to class on time.

You can also change the one sentence to two separate sentences.

ex. It is almost tweleve o'clock. We can not make it to class on time.

You can insert a coordinating conjunction (which is a conjunction that joins thoughts together such as "and" "for" "yet" "nor" "but" and "so") which will bring the thughts together.

ex. It is nearly tweleve o'clock, so we can not make it to class.

Those are all aceptable ways to avoid comma splices and ways to fix them.

Wordiness-

Wordiness is simply when the writer puts too many words into describing something and will often times lose the readers attention.

ex. It was unbearably hot outside, but that is what mae the expereince enjoyable and very fun, but would also lead to the wonderful mistake that would be the best mistake I've made since coming to this wonderful school.

There are a lot of unnecessary words and most can be eliminated.

ex. It was hot outside that day, but despite the heat I stayed and would later that afternoon make a mistake.

I was able to eliminate much of the uneeded words and compress it into just what was needed.

Love is ruff

Casablanca and Morrisey's "Let Me Kiss You"


There are large similarities between Morrisey's song and the scene we watch from Casablanca. One of the main similarities was the physical aspect of love. In "Let Me Kiss You", Morrisey says,"Close your eyes and think of someone you physically admire." He does not ask for someone who is his soul mate, just someone who looks good. In the movie Casablanca the main characters, who are in love, don't know anything about each other. The only reason they are so "in love" with each other is because they are just physically attracted to each other.

Morrissey focuses on physical love in his song. He tells how everyone deserves a second chance and that he needs her to give him one. He knows that she despises him, but he is willing to do what it takes to be able to cry on her shoulder again.
Casablanca displays love as a perfect harmony that nothing can destroy. It cannot be broken over time or distance.
Sunset bulevard shows love to be confusing and seems to portray the fact that you must hurt one to love another and the fact that you can not help who you fall in love with.

Morrissey, Casablanca, and Sunset boulevard

In Morrissey's song "Let me kiss you", I figure the song is about a person who loves someone, but the other person does not feel the same, yet the person who is so in love does not care whether the feelings are returned, just that they are with that person. There is a line of lyrics where Morrissey mentions someone closing their eyes and picturing someone they admire, but then when they open their eyes, they see someone they are not in to, and goes on to say his heart will always be open.

In Casablanca, a man and woman meet, but fall in love knowing so little about one another. People fall in love at the oddest times, and anything can tear them apart, especially a war. This occurs in most romantic tragedies, Romeo and Juliet were from two different families, and were split due to the war between the two worlds.

Sunset Boulevard was a great example that money does not rule all. Wealth can be enthrilling at first, but a persons true feeling will come out sooner or later. Once a person opens themselves up, they are doomed to be taken advantage of, definitely when the other lover has all the power and money. Love conquers all...not cash.

Spencer - Cassablanca, Sunset Blvd.

In Cassablanca, the scenes we watched showed the love grow between the two main characters as the German army closed into town. The interesting occurance was that the two characters knew very little of each other, but were drawn together by the impossibility of the likelyhood of staying together. As it became more and more clear that they would soon be seperated, their desire to stay togehter seemed to grow. It was as if they were more attracted to each other simply because of the growing barrier between them.
In Sunset Blvd., the opposite was true of the first relationship we observered. With no barrier between the characters, as the rich woman threw herself at the man, he was simply repulsed. He had no desire for her whatsoever, and stated that her love for him was "embarrasing". This unrequited love soon led her to suicide, as the man soon found himself extremely attracted to the forbidden love of his friend's girlfriend.

Similarites between Sunset Blvd. and Casablanca

I think the movies Casablanca and Sunset Blvd. had many similarities on what the movie's perspective on what love is.

In Casablanca, the setting is in Paris, France, which is known as a very romantic town in itself, during World War II. The part we watched was showing an American man charming a French woman (that spoke very good English), in many ways. In the excerpt, the Germans are getting closer to taking over the town and the people are worried, but the man and woman are still decently calm about it and its revealed by the way they act. As it rained, they drank champagne, listened to the piano and talked about how much they were in love and how little they knew about each other. The man says that he wants to runaway with the woman and get married to her as soon as possible. She responds to all of that with a happy face and says that she will. She also says that it will be hard for her to leave her home, but because she's in love with him she will. Also in that scene, the woman mentions that because of the war going on, it was a bad time for them to fall in love. But I think the main thing being shown during the clip we watched is that there is no "bad time" to fall in love...it just happens.

In Sunset Blvd. the clip we watched was about New Year's Eve. The man apparently was being treated very well by a rich woman who seemed to be trying to buy his love from him. He expected a large a party thrown for the holiday, but instead the woman just threw a giant party with champagne and a band for him and herself. Appalled that the lady thought she could take him for granted, he abruptly left the party. He then went to another New Year's party where he talked with a friend's girlfriend. He began talking with her, and eventually started to fall in love with her. It seemed like he really didn't care about how his friend would take it. He might be showing the same quality as the characters in Casablanca...there is no "bad time" to fall in love, it just happens.

Love

In Casablanca people may think they're in love when they meet someone new and exciting. They might get all caught up in being in love but then when something life changing happens it brings you back to reality and you realize you don't want to change your life for that person because you don't love him that much. It might still hurt to let him go but you do cause you don't want to change your life for that person and you're not ready especially when you don't really know them all that well. It's hard to decide whether you want to change your life for someone that you hardly know.

In Sunset Blvd no matter how many things you buy or do for someone you can't make them feel the same way about you and you can't mold someone into what you want them to be. Also, when something happens to that person, like that lady cut herself, you might then realize how much that person meant to you. The guys face when he found out she had cut herself looked sad but i don't know for sure but the guy probably realized that not only did she maybe take him for granted that he also took her for granted and now he may never see her again.

The three videos we watched, each had a different kind of love. Morrissey sings the song "let me kiss you." I think he is singing about a woman he loves but she despises him. This is the kind of love where one is in love with someone and that someone hates the person that is in love with them.

In Casablanca, the two people are in love with each other but there is a war going on around them. They just want to live together and forget all about the war. This is the kind of all over love that both people fell for each other and want nothing but to be with each other.

In Sunset Blvd. the older woman is in love with the younger man and tries to bribe him with expensive things. He says that he does not love her and goes to be with people his own age. So the woman slits her wrists. This is that kind of older crazy love where the woman will do anything, including injure herself to get her man.

Love

Morrissey says that "love is a physical admiration. " If you close your eyes you can picture someone you admire. When you open them you see someone you despise. Basically what Morrissey is trying to say is that he will always love that person even if they never love him back.
From the movie "Sunset Boulevard", It makes you realize that you cant buy love. No matter how much money you spend on a person, you can't make them love you the way that you want them to. What the scene is basically saying is that money is not the root to all happiness.

Love Post

Morrisey's "Let Me Kiss You"
The song's tone is depressing because it is about someone who has decided that they can not find real love. So, they resort to being with people that they do not really care about. The person is in meaningless relationships, so to make it easier on them they pretend they are with someone else. The lyrics "so close your eyes and let me kiss you.." do not really mean just so they do not see the person they are kissing, but to completely imagine that they are with another person that they can not really even find. The song tells of someone who thinks they will never find meaningful love because they say they have searched, and the fact that it tells of the same situation of having to imagine themselves with another and saying at the end of the song that their "heart is open to you" says they will continue the same pattern.

Casablanca
The part of the movie we saw shows what seems to be a real form of love between the two characters. The couple enjoys being with each other many different places and times and seem to not worry. They also kiss each other a lot which also leads audiences to think they are really in love. The contrast to all the love they seem to share is the war going on around them and that the man must leave because he is wanted by authorities. The woman says that she wants to go with him when he leaves in the morning, although she seems to have some hesitation. The woman also tells the man that she does not want him to meet her at her place, but instead in the train station; this also foreshadows that something may go wrong in the couple's plan to run away together.

Analysis Of Love / Abdul

Morissey's Love Song
Obviously, the song is a very affectionate one. The singer performs it with strong emotions, walking with powerful steps around on stage and dangling his hands freely. The melody is a sweet and gentle one that tries to convey the optimistic side of a lover. He has an open heart; he doesn't despise but always tries to love in some way. However, his lover seems to have oppsosite feelings towards him. He stresses on physical admiration.
Casablanca
The movie is set in old-times Paris. The attractive scenery ( bridges, rivers, sunshine ) helps strengthen the love story. A normal couple are in love and want to get married in any possible way. However, the war event and the fact that the man is being followed by Germans are standing in their way. Yet, they're trying to prevent these obstacles from affecting their relationship. The woman is scared to continue on with the man, but she's deeply in love with him. It's a natural thing for women to be less riskful than men.
Sunset Boulevard
The scene opens up in a fancy, ancient hotel setting; a practical setting for a classic love story. A couple are in a shaky relationship. Obviously, the man discovers some actions from his lady that frustrate him. He's pissed off from her actions. The woman is a braggart, and she's definitely taking her man for granted. Later on, old lovers meet up after 12 years and it seems as if they've still got feelings for each other. The woman's current lover is jealous; in fact, jealousy seems to be one of the main causes of love disasters today.

"love is a ticket to paradise"

In the song "Let me kiss you", Morrissey the singer and song-writer expresses in a sadlike tone how love is formed by comprehension and understanding. In the song, he portrays himself as an understanding individual, therefore, it can be interpreted that he understands that his physical appearance might not be what his lover desires and could be the cause of a rejection towards him. Due to this, he explicitly tells his lover to imagine someone he or she physically admires before kissing him, in order for his lover not to feel disgust when embracing him. I feel that Morrissey's viewpoint about love is realistic, since probably one may not truly desire someone sexually but, could still love him or her due to other values that may overcome physical appearance.

In the extract from the movie Casablanca, the director's concept about love seems to fall in the category of romanticism. In the movie, he shows an idealistic but rather cliché interpretation of love. That would be the Paris location, the flowers, champagne, dates with live music, eye contact, pasionate kisses, the younger woman older man relationship... Also the lack of sex, the insinuation of love at first sight, "we just knew each other".

In the extract from the movie Sunset Boulevard, the director's concept about love is shown when the main character rejects what would be an ideal relationship due to lack of physical attraction and compatibility, meaning that love is not something frivolous, or that can be bought. A very lustful and seductive woman tries to win the love of a young man by offering material objects as well as herself to him, but he denies. As well in the ball scene, one can observe that there are almost no single women around, they are all passionately and hapily involved with a man, as if they needed one. This I found interesting, since if compared to a modern society, this particular scenario would be non-existant. Most women now a days are able to sustain themselves economically (if speaking of a developed country), therefore are not in desperate need of a man to meet this necessity.

Love Thing

Morrisey's song is about kissing someone he likes, but she hates him and remembers as soon as she opens her eyes after the kiss. He notices this and says that he still loves her even though she doesn't love him. I thought the lyrics are awful and had no real story. It's hard to follow along, but while he was singing, he was reaching out and showing body language that shows love and adoration.

In the scene from Casablanca, we saw two people who were very in love with each other during a time of war. I think that the idea of this was that there is still hope and something good in the world even when terrible things are going on around you.

Sunset boulevard was in the narrative of the main character, but the love in the section we saw seemed to be aimed at him from a woman older than him. She is rich and says she loves this man, but it seems to be more of an infatuation with the main character. The main character does not care for her in the same way. It seemed to me like he may have been in a relationship with her just to gain more fame. At the end of the scene, we find out that she has cut her wrists because he didn't have feelings for her, but he is concerned when he finds out, which shows that he does care.

All You Need Is Love

The three clips we watched in class today are two examples of love and one example of an obsession mistaken as love.
The first clip we saw was the Music video for Morrissey's "Let Me Kiss You". Here are bits and pieces of the song I think best summarize the message.

"...Close your eyes...
...physically admire...
...let me kiss you...
...open your eyes...
...physically despise...
...my heart is open to you ..."
I believe Morrissey is trying to convey that Love is unconditional no matter what someone may look like.
The second clip we watched today was from the film "Casablanca". There was a series of romantic outings such as picnic's and countryside car rides. Then when danger strikes, one character sacrifices her happiness to save the one she loves. Which is another example of the ways people express love.
The third clip we viewed today was from the film "Sunset Boulevard". The movie seemed to be about a rich old woman who fell in love with a much younger man and tried to make him love her back by buying him expensive gifts. By the end of the clip the younger man could not find happiness with the older woman and had to leave. The older woman, confusing obsession with love, attempted to kill herself in his absence.
Although none of these clips showed it in the same way, love was experienced in every situation.

What I Think About Love!!

"Let Me Kiss You" by Morrissey

Although Morrissey is a very strange guy, I believe the message through this song is a very strong one. He speaks of of love in a very passionate sense and he makes sure to put a lot of meaning behind it. He also performs in a very strange way, using unique movements and odd gestures to make his point. Its almost creepy.

Casablanca

I love this movie and love inthis movie is the real fantasy love that we read about. It is the sort of love that takes you away from reality for a little while only to be brought back, knowing that you can never be together. They use the song "As Time Goes By" in this movie repeatedly. Some of the lyrics in this song are: "The world will always welcome lovers, as time goes by." I believe these lines are emphasizing the fact that no matter what happens in reality, the world will always have time for love and this is what happened in this movie. They were destined for each other and met during a turbulent time in everyones life, but they still had time to love. So like I said earlier, this is more of the fairytale aspect of love rather than the everyday stuff.

Sunset Boulevard

This is also a strange way to portray love. This writer was trying to bring in the obsession and strangness into love and it was definitly achieved. He does this by having a woman attempt to kill hersef because she can't be with the one that shes loves, though he does not love her back. She belives that if she can buy his love that that is enough and it is not. You need the emotional part and the feeling behind it, and although she thinks she has it, I just think shes a crazy woman that doesn't know what to do with her lonely life. Love makes people do crazy things and this movie definitly gets this point across to the audience. Anybody who attempts suicide for love, is well, a little off their rocker if you know what I mean.

Emma's Thoughts on Music Video and Movies

"Let Me Kiss You"-

I thought that this song was really great. Although Morrissey was a little strange. I did not enjoy his performance. He reminded me of a creepy guy that could easily "freak" someone out by just looking at them. He mannerisms throughout the song were the same as if he were actually kissing the girl. The song ended really sad because after he had kissed the girl, she looked up at him and realized that she despised him. He knew that she didnt like him, but yet he just wanted her to kiss him and think of someone else while she was doing just that. The song was really depressing because he had chased after her but couldn't win her heart over to him.

Casa Blanca

In this movie clip you could tell that the couple was really and truly in love. The way that the woman looked at the man was so beautiful. But, when the man talked about getting married right away because of the war, she acted a little strange. I almost wondered if she was still in love with the man she used to love, but died. Maybe she wasn't ready to make that big of a commitment just yet. This movie gave me the impression that love cures everything. The woman thought that the war was so terrible and she said that she hated it. The man thought he could cure her problem by asking her to marry him. Love can help you feel better, but it cannot make certain things just disappear.

Sunset Blvd.

The woman at the beginning of the scene that was hosting the New Year's Eve party for just herself and that man was crazy. I felt like she should be sent to the looney bin. I got the impresssion that she thought she could win the man over and make him love her by bribing him with materialistic items. She told him she would buy him this and that, but he just got tired of it because he didnt love her. In the end she did prove to be crazy when she slit her wrists with his razor. I feel like she was so depressed and desperate for attention, she did this to get the attention that she desired. Just because you do certain things doesnt mean it is the answer. People dont fall in love with you because they feel sorry for you. This woman has a lot to learn!!!

Love

"Let me kiss you", "Casablanca", and "Sunset Blvd." all have one thing in common, love does not overcome all, and does not work in every situation. When Morrissey sings his songs he is trying to capture that he longs for a certian women, a certian girl to hold, to feel safe with. Nowhere else can he get that feeling, "I've zig-zagged all over America and I cannot find a safety haven." Love is in the relationship, until the eyes are truely opened. The other person is able to truely see what the relationship is and what the person is like. The romance and effatuation keeps you enfatuated. Once your eyes are truely open, you may grow to despise that person, and that is something that love can not overcome.

In "Casablanca" they are truely in love, the way they hold each other while dancing, the way she gently lays her head upon his shoulder. They constantly ask each other questions to find out who the inner person is. But, then war ravages the relationship. They are caught in this deep love, but it seems that the war is making it impossible to be together. Love can not overcome the evil of the war. Love does not always win out in the end.

In "Sunset Blvd." she loves him but he does not love her. She thinks that material matters will win his love over. He constantly wants to leave her but can not go, she restrains him. She buys him gifts of all kinds, and for a period of time he stays, he is with her, but then he realizes that material matters are not enough to keep him there for. He flees from the house and from her. In "Sunset Blvd." it shows that love can not be bought buy worldly matters, it is a romantic feeling that can not be overcome. She desperately wants him to stay, but her love can not overcome the fact that he does not feel for her what she feels for him. Love does not always win out in the end.

The overall meaning of love in these three particular scenes and songs is that although love is strong and its a beautiful thing, it can not always overcome everything. Love is a fragile gift, that can be taken away at a moments notice.

The Love Blog

In Casablanca the author seemed to try to say that love can come at the most unpleasant times. The two characters are in danger of losing each other. They try to make the most of the time they have together. They claim they love each other, but they don't know one another all that well. The male character makes the comment that he knows that she had her teeth straightened. It has only been a few days since they have been together and he is already talking about marriage. Maybe the situation is trying to say that people could feel rushed to fall in love or once in love, they will be in a rush to get married.

In Sunset Boulevard, the man does not love the rich lady. This is love that is not returned. She showers him with gifts but he will not accept it. She lied to him saying people would be there for their party, but instead it was just the two. He runs off, wanting to be with people and away from her. He meets his best friend's girlfriend at the best friend's New Year's Party. He wants her and she wants him. This makes a point that if you like someone there is a chance they can not return the same feelings. If the other person is off limits than you are likely to want them. Is he willing to betray his best friend, especially after letting him stay at his apartment? He then finds out that the woman he just let slit her wrists. The author is trying to say that you have to be careful whose heart you break. Love can drive someone into acts of violence or insanity. In Morrisey's song Let me Kiss you he seems to be talking about physical attraction. Physical attraction makes people want to have contact with the one that they desire. This is a trait of love but not the actual meaning of love. Kissing is a sign of attraction and/or love. The scenery for the song seemed to be soft and romantic.