Knee-Jerk Reaction and Plan for Draft Two

Knee-Jerk
My response to my grade and comments where overall expected. I thought I had a good idea and organized the paper well but knew that there were things I could add more to, but did not really know what exactly to write. The idea to add more specific organizations seems to be what I was missing. Also, you pointed out that my factual paragraph was listy, and I will brainstorm on how to make it flow better.

Plan for Draft Two
My first paragraph I will only revise one sentence becuase the comment "good start" was written- and that was surprising because I struggle with strong introductions. The second paragraph can be fixed by taking out some words to make it less wordy and to clean up the meaning by rereading it and making more sense about what I am trying to convey. The thrid was a "good point"-so I'll leave that one alone. Forth needs a better word for obsession. Fith was the factual, listy paragraph. Need to add transitions. Sixth needs to be more specific about when the Bush Administration requested more funding for military use. Also, I'll take out a comma I threw in. Inflated is also a better word for unnessary, and budget better than bill. Again, in the last paragraph, abroad is better than foreign- add in a "would" and a "more" to make more sense of last sentence.