Knee Jerk Response
After I looked at my corrected essay, I felt surprised. I wasn't expecting the grade I got since the students who corrected my paper before gave me really low grades. However, the changes I made after that might have influenced in the improvement of my grade. I feel that my argument is well supported and that I have improved since I made less passive voice mistakes, and run on sentences mistakes.
Plan for 2nd Draft
My plan for the second draft is to correct my MLA errors. As well, I will look over my paper and get rid of the wordiness without changing the actual content.
WHY's
Dr. Keleher sugested me not to include the example of the pharmacist who refused to sell birth control pills to a woman in Winsconsin. I think this is because even though the example is relevant to the topic of the paper, the focus of my paper since to be the African situation and to include an example from Winsconsin may seem out of place and even unnecessary.
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