I skipped class that day just to go there, but first, headed to Gabriela’s house. When we were all ready to go, Gabriela, Mario and I walked to the park. The sun was everywhere, and the blue smoke caressed our hands, noses, lips and eyes. Gabriela said she was a “Magnetic White Magician”, and that Mario couldn’t care less about her ultimate aspirations to synchronize herself with the environment around her. She also talked about the Green Day, a day lacking time, and encouraged us to be together for that specific event. I had never heard this before, a day lacking time, and a Mayan tradition being carried out despite the differences our Colombian contemporary culture held with that of ancient Mexico.
We sat by one of the trees, the light slithered through the leaves and branches; it slightly illuminated our bodies as we rested, gazed and listened to the voices in our heads. Inexorably, we all found ourselves amused by a high pitch bird-like sound, sort of like those I used to listen to every morning as I woke up in my home place; but yet, this was not a bird, it was a flute. I had already spotted this person, or actually, it was this person who had spotted me first. We recognized each other, his eyes reminded me of yellowish green sunflowers. Gradually, we all stood up and walked towards him. His torso was aligned with his head and his legs laid flat on the green grass. We join this peaceful man and his flute and sat around trees of different contours and forms. Some of the trees seemed to have been turned and shaped by the direction of the wind, since they stood in a rather horizontal position. Gabriela stared deeply at this man, Mario lay on the ground, snapped his fingers and Julio performed an Andes music session with his flute.
2 comments:
In paragraph 2,instead of "Inexorably", try "Inexplicably", and later, instead of "We join" try "We joined". And the last sentence needs a little revision. Other than that I think it's great.
I think you should look at your sentence structures. The metaphors are good at painting the images you are trying to show. Be a little more specific, like where is your home place?
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